Chapter Ten – Jade POV

“Jade, are you listening?”

My head snapped up, my eyes darting to Morgyn. “Um, yeah, sorry.”

He looked at me, tilting his head. Marco crossed his arms in front of him. “Morgyn, I’m not trying to be rude here, but I think maybe she has a lot on her mind. Can this wait for a few days, so she has time to process everything?”

Morgyn shot Marco a glare. “You can’t be serious, Marco. The realm is in disarray, and you think it can just be put off until one of our own sages feels better?”

I saw Marco’s eyes flash red for a moment, a sign that he was getting angry. “You know, I’m real tired of everyone being completely insensitive to what she is going through!”

“Marco…” I stood up and put my hand on his chest. “Stop, please. Morgyn’s right. This really can’t wait.”

Marco’s expression softened, but he sighed and stepped back.

“Jade, I am very sorry for your loss, but we do need to fix this problem quickly.” Morgyn’s green eyes darted to Marco before looking back at me. He seemed to be fearful of Marco. I guess I didn’t really blame him for that. After all, the two of us caused hell in this place with my own son.

My son…

I quickly tried to push those thoughts away. “Yeah, I understand. And thanks. I get why people don’t exactly feel the way I do. To all of you, Orion was the enemy.”

Morgyn tilted his head. “Jade, I was a bit of a step-parent to him. I’m also saddened by his loss. I just know, right now we have bigger issues to face before we can stop and grieve.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Not to downplay your feelings, Morgyn, but I don’t exactly see you distraught at all over the loss of my son.”

Morgyn sighed. “Whatever, Jade. I don’t want to argue, alright?”

“Nor do I.” I crossed my arms. “What do you need us to do?”

“Well, we need to restore the realm, but I can only do so much, since a lot of this was created with dark magic. That’s where you two come in. I need you two to help with the restoration, remove all dark magic. However, we need to tread lightly in some places, as we need to be absolutely sure Orion is not revived in any way, and no one else given the opportunity to-“

“He can’t be,” I interrupted. “There’s no possible way. He was essentially wiped from existence. No tomb, grave, urn, nothing. He was reduced to dust.” I knew my tone was harsh, but this was not something I wanted to be talking about, not that I had a choice.

“And you know this for certain?” Morgyn raised an eyebrow.

“Would I fucking say it if I didn’t know, Morgyn?” I growled.

Marco quickly put his hand on my shoulder. “Jade…”

I shrugged it off. “Fine, I have work to do anyhow.” I didn’t wait for a reply before leaving the two of them. I knew my exit might set Marco off again toward Morgyn, but frankly, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want reminders of my son, I didn’t want to have anything to do with magic, or legends, or anything with this damn place. I wanted out. I needed out.

I waved my hand around the front steps, casting a dark magic spell that would essentially “vacuum” up the dark magic and dispose of it. Raising my arms, I saw the magic started to work.

Until it stopped, leaving about half of the dark magic just floating, the other half completely untouched. I tried again, almost immediately breaking a sweat, my arms growing heavy and shaky. I had to stop.

“Oh Goddammit!” I cried, a rush of magic surging through me with my rage, sending everything crashing to the floor again, causing cracks and craters around me. I stormed out of the building as some other spellcasters came running to see what was going on. Sure, that’s all they needed to see. Jade causing more chaos.

I continued up to the gardens, just wanting to be left alone completely. I couldn’t even do what was asked of me. I was essentially useless to everyone at this point. At the same time, I was more than angry. I was at a level of anger I had never truly felt in my life, ever. I couldn’t swallow it, push it aside, make it go away, act like everything was fine. No. It hit me at full force, along with the deep sadness I had for losing my son.

“I guess we got what we deserved, didn’t we, baby boy?” I asked, looking up at the hazy sky that once looked so beautiful to me. Now, it was just a dull, boring scene. I couldn’t tell if that was because the realm was so damaged or because of my own grief and mental warping of my surroundings. I sat in the grass, pulling my knees up to my chest and burying my face between them, covering it fully with my arms. “We got what we deserved. You’re gone, and I am powerless. Useless. Why am I even still here? Why am I still trying? Of course I want to correct what we did wrong here, but if I can’t even do that, what is the point of remaining in this doomed place?” I felt tears fall from my eyes. “God, I miss you…so much.” My fist pounded the ground beside me as my tears fell. “And everyone around me rejoices because ‘the monster is dead.’ They think I’m crazy for mourning you for all of the wrong you did. But Marco and I surely weren’t innocent! Yet, we get a pass because hey, we’re good now, aren’t we? You weren’t even given a chance!” I sobbed. “And you never will be given a chance. Because of me. I killed you! Your own mother!”

“You didn’t have much of a choice…” I heard. I looked up with bloodshot eyes to see Marco gazing down at me with a worried expression.

“How much does Morgyn hate me right now?” I asked, gazing at the water before me.

Marco sat down beside me, placing his arm around my shoulder. “I don’t think he hates you at all. I think everyone is just very worried about you, more than anything else.”

I waved my hand. “Nobody needs to worry about me. I’m fine.”

He brushed a tear from my cheek. “Are you, though? It doesn’t take much to see that you are going through a lot, and people seem to be incredibly apathetic and insensitive to your feelings.”

I looked back at the water, leaning into him. “I understand why they are. I mean, to them, Orion was the enemy. We all were. I get it.”

He sighs. “Sure, but he was your family.”

I nodded, more tears streaming down my cheeks. “I’ll…be okay.” My voice was shaky, and a sob broke through my words, but dammit, I needed to be okay. There wasn’t time for me to sit around and sob about what happened. I was needed.

I was always needed.

“And you?” I finally asked, burying my face in his shirt. “How are you feeling? No one ever asks you that.”

Marco smiled a bit. “I’m proud. So proud of our kids.” He stroked my hair. “They did something that most adults couldn’t do, and they did it so well.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little. He was right. Our sons kicked ass and took names when it came to that task they were given, all to save their father. “They are heroes.”

Marco nodded. “Yes, they are. In every sense there could possibly be, they are truly heroes.” He tilted my head up to his. “If there’s one good thing that came out of this, it’s that. People will always remember what they did and who they were. Right?”

I looked away, despite him holding my face toward his.

“No, no, look at me.”

I looked at him again. He smiled warmly. “We will always have that, above anything else.”

I nodded, but didn’t say a word.

“I’m not trying to change your outlook, or tell you not to grieve, okay?” His face turned serious, almost sad. “But just remember to look at the good too. Remember what they did and why, and be proud.”

“Ethan almost died.”

“Shh,” Marco smirked a little bit. “We won’t talk about that.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little. He smiled as I did. “See?”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just, this whole thing is hard. I don’t even know how Caleb is taking it. Everything around me is blurry and dull. My powers aren’t working as they should. I’m not myself. I’m not Jade. I’m just a shell.”

Marco nodded, understanding. “For what it’s worth, you’re still the beautiful, strong Jade I know and love. You just have some hurdles in front of you. You aren’t alone though. Let me help you with the hurdles, just as you’ve helped me with mine.”

“What hurdles have I helped you through?”

He tilted his head. “Those damn headaches. Which seem to be gone now, by the way.” He smiled a little. “And you’ve helped me in other ways that I can’t describe. So please, let me help you too.”

I looked away again. “Marco, I don’t know how you can help.”

“Well, I assure you I will do everything in my power to help you, however you may need it. Alright?”

I sighed. “That’s a huge burden to take on.”

“That’s what I signed up for when we got together, no?” He smiled.

I couldn’t really dispute that. I sighed again. “I mean, alright, if that’s what you want to do.”

He nodded. “Of course it’s what I want to do.”

I looked at him again, studying his expression. I rested my head on my knee and just gazed at him. “I don’t know how we can help Morgyn if my power isn’t working as it should.”

“What’s happening?” He asked, curious.

I explained what happened at HQ when I tried to start restoration, and he nodded, looking off at the trees. “I see. Well, it makes sense, given what is going on with you. Your mind is all over the place, of course your magic won’t be as strong as it once was.” He rubbed my back. “When we go back down there, we can cast the spell together and hopefully get things started. But, take your time. If Morgyn gets angry, well, that’s on him. He should understand better than anyone why this is happening to you and how it limits you.”

I sighed. “Marco, I don’t think I want to do this anymore.”

His eyes widened in shock. “Do…what?”

“Anything having to do with magic. No more sage status, no more spellcaster, no more magic realm. Our life has been far too chaotic with magic in it, and we always seem to find ourselves on the wrong side of magic as well. Like the universe has something against us, always wanting us to be dark. I’m tired of it.”

He listened, watching me and nodding from time to time. “I see. I think the darkness problem would not have been an issue if you weren’t with me.”

“Marco.” I shook my head. “You saw the legend. Whether we liked it or not, that was destined to happen. Don’t blame yourself.”

He sat, in thought for a few minutes. “Do you ever wonder if those legends just wrote themselves? Like, whatever powers that be saw us getting close and just wrote us into some legend that we would be these evil forces taking over the realm?”

I raised an eyebrow. “No. Those legends were written long before we were even born, Marco.”

“How can we be sure?”

“The same way we can be sure that we had nothing to do with that decision. We knew it would happen, tried to stop it and still fell into it. It didn’t matter.”

He nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

I moved closer, sitting in front of Marco and leaning my back against him. “I just want us to have an easier life. Is that too much to ask?” I sighed. “And what if I’m permanently damaged from Orion’s death? What if this bitter woman is who I will be for the rest of my life?”

Marco shook his head, wrapping his arms around me. “That’s not true and you know it. You aren’t wired that way, Jade.”

“Pain changes people. Pain rewires people.”

“Hey, stop that. I know for a fact that everything you are dealing with is completely normal for a grieving mother. I know this isn’t who you will be for the rest of your life.” He held me tighter. “Please, just let me help you.”

“Alright, okay, yes, you can help me, Marco.” I sighed in frustration. “Though, I don’t know exactly how much help you can be to someone who doesn’t even know where to start.”

“Moments like this.” He said softly.

It took me a moment to realize what he meant. The gardens went untouched from our powers, so it was still in the same state as it always had been. Still calm, serene, the only sounds being the small pond nearby and the usual sounds coming from the sky around us. I closed my eyes and leaned against him, just listening to the sound of the water as I thought about his words. Yes, of course, it all helped in the moment, but as soon as I replayed it all in my head or even thought about Orion, the tears threatened to come back in full force again. Of course, I didn’t want to tell him that, so I kept quiet. “I’ll let you help,” I said finally.

He swayed me a little. “That’s what I like to hear.” His movements brought a slight smile to my face, but I knew it was short lived. I decided to just enjoy it while it lasted. “I’m glad you’re back, Marco.”

“Me too, mi reina.”

I turned around, hugging him tightly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I felt compelled to repeat it. “I love you.”

“I know, darling. I love you too.”

We held each other for awhile before going back down to HQ. My eyelids were heavy from all of the crying, and I knew I was in worse shape than when I tried the spell the first time. “Marco, I’m going to need a lot of your power to help with this. I’m weaker now than earlier.”

Marco nodded. “It’s okay. I will help the best I can, but this task may need to wait. It’s a daunting one anyway.”

“Is there anyone else who can help us?”

“Anyone who knows and uses dark magic? No.” Marco shook his head. “Sadly.”

I sighed. “I see. Alright. Let’s do this.”

Together, we managed to lift and dispose of maybe a quarter of the dark magic in that area. We still had the whole building to go. We had no idea how the two of us could get this done.

“It’s late.” Marco held out his hand. “Let’s go home and try again tomorrow?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”

We headed home and immediately went to bed. My sleep was fitful, and in the middle of the night, I got up and went to the couch. I slept better there, without Marco.

I woke up the following morning angry with myself. I was isolating myself from him too? Why? It was like my body had a mind of its own, refusing to even sleep if he was near me? Was I scared of being vulnerable around someone who wouldn’t ever hurt me? I sat up, staring at the TV, which was off. I just stared at my dim reflection, trying to figure out what the hell was going on in my broken head. I wouldn’t be able to keep doing this. I couldn’t push Marco away. Never. I refused to allow it.

I went back into the room and got under the covers. Not to sleep, but just to be close to him. He stirred a little, wrapping his arms around me.

“Good morning,” he said sleepily. “Where did you go last night?”

“Oh, you noticed that.” I sighed, frustrated. “Great.”

He laughed softly. “Yeah, I woke up and reached out and you weren’t there.”

I turned toward him. “I had a hard time sleeping, so I slept on the couch.”

He gazed at me with sleepy eyes. “Are you alright?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Well, no.”

He kissed me softly. “I’m here.”

I nodded, cuddling close to him. “I know. Thank you.”

He kissed me softly, and I leaned into him, kissing him deeper. If I needed anything, it was a distraction…right?

Marco laughed softly as I showed a bit of my desire, and after a few moments, he broke the kiss. “I figured that would be the last thing on your mind.”

I shook my head. “Distract me.” Not even letting him respond, I kissed him again. Not like he was complaining. He was always ready for a moment like this. I wasn’t sure this time. It certainly felt different….almost wrong. Even as we went through the motions, undressing, teasing, and finally getting to it, I really tried to get lost in the moment as we always did. Sure, it felt good, I couldn’t deny that, but…it felt so wrong right now.

Marco didn’t seem to notice my reservations at first, letting me lead him as I moved on top of him, clearly getting lost and assuming I was doing the same. I guess I was good at hiding it. “I missed this,” he said softly against my ear, and it sparked something within me. It definitely raised my desire, and I moaned softly, but I still couldn’t bring myself to fully enjoy this.

“You take over,” I said breathlessly, letting him push me on my back to continue this. I thought maybe if he was in control, I would enjoy this even more, but still, I was wrong. After a few moments of trying to force myself to get into it, I let out a deep sigh, frustrated.

This got Marco’s attention. He stopped. “Are you alright?”

I sighed again, gazing up at him. “I can’t do this, Marco. I’m sorry.”

He got off and got back under the blankets with me, holding me close to him. “Please, don’t apologize. It’s too soon. I get it.”

I nodded, closing my eyes. I should have wanted comfort from him, but everything just felt so…empty. I sighed and rolled the other way. “I don’t know if I will ever be myself again.”

He rubbed my shoulder. “Jade, don’t force yourself. This is a big deal. You aren’t just going to snap back after something like that. Don’t worry, I’m patient and I will always wait for you.”

I nodded. I knew I should be comforted by his words, but I felt…nothing. Sure, I was content that he was so willing to make sure I was okay, but other than that, I wasn’t phased by it.

Marco sighed softly. “I think maybe you need to get into therapy.”

“No!” I snapped. I’d be damned if I had to see a shrink and explain what was going on with me. “It’s just the stages of grief. I don’t need therapy.”

He nodded, not wanting to rock the boat further. “Alright.”

I got up, getting dressed. “I will just figure this out on my own.”

Chapter Eleven (Click Here!)